Playing Pretend

Love, it's a powerful emotion. As a drug it would be banned or be labeled with government warnings. It escapes almost no one though, the majority of its users become addicts, and in the end there is no cure, no class, and no possible way to overcome it. We all get hooked, we all need more, and when it become unavailable to us, the withdrawal symptoms are unbearable.

I spent the past weekend pretending to live in a world I don't live in because of this drug. I created a place where I wanted to be, a place where I worried about nothing and my life was different. I fell prey to the most serious side-effect, I left my life for another, and the other was fantastic. I wasn't perfect but it was better. I just don't know what to do. I'm so confused and so lonely all of a sudden. I know that there are millions of people in this world and to think that no one has felt the way that I feel is completely ridiculous but I do feel that way. I feel like I'm totally alone and what I'm feeling is something that no one can relate to. Every private moment I've had today has left me with tears running down my face and feeling so confused.

I'm not a very spiritual person. I believe in God, fate, and karma but I believe in them on my own terms (it's pretty selfish, I know but that's me). Its so hard not to see those forces working in this relationship but, I don't know if I'm defining the relationship with them or they're a force on the relationship. Two people came together to be one but only brought pieces of their lives. They couldn't bring all parts of their lives because it was impossible. How does that work then? If a good relationship is two complete people coming together and forming a whole then how does it work if you can't bring all of you to it? And if it can't then how do you tell God, fate and karma no?