My grandmother die on Tuesday. I didn't really discuss it with anyone because what do you say? Umm hi (enter friends name in here) my grandma died please feel sorry for me. Oh and please lets have a generic conversation in which neither one of us really knows what to say to the other. No that's not really for me.
It did make me realize a few things though. Stress manifests itself in many different ways even if you don't know it's doing it. I received many phone calls from different family members and kind of filed them away. I went to the wake and while it was the most surreal feeling i've ever had I shoved the feelings to be appear strong. Meanwhile, I had about a total of eight hours of sleep in three days. I've never felt more awake and more tired in my life. I would swing from eating crap all day long to eating nothing all day long.
Everything was compartmentalized to deal with as little as possible while appearing to be dealing with everything. That all changed on Friday (the day of the funeral). I walked in with my father behind my grandfather. The worst song in the world is "Amazing Grace," and it played for the precessional on the way into the church. It never fails to invoke the worst feelings of sadness for me, and that day was no different. The first note played and I was done. Everything that I filed away, everything that I ignored, and everything that I failed to acknowledge manifested itself in my tears. Four plus days of stress came falling out and that night I never slept better.
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