Unable to find peace

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's what's going on inside of me right now. No more drama, please no more drama.

I don't want to here how fucked up our clients are, how important a deadline is, how I fucked up a date, how you don't know how to do anything I've asked you to do.

I don't want to hear that I was just assigned the longest homework assignment yet, that I'm behind on my homework, that my SCORE IS NOT IMPROVING even though I paid your ass $1250.

I don't want to hear that I have a bad attitude that I'm too overbearing to be shift leader, that I can ONLY MAKE $100 after working 15 hours.

I don't care that you have a drinking problem, I still love you but seriously, deal with the demons and fix that shit before I visit you in the hospital when you are getting a new liver, I don't care who you are in love with, I still love you but seriously, if the person you love doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, if the person you love doesn't support your growth as a person, then for fucks sake realize that you are better than that and find the person that makes you a better person or at least appreciates all that you bring to the table, I don't care that there are other people in your life that are more important than I am, I still love you but seriously, know that I am strong enough, have the capabilities to grow, and that I have abilities you have never known me to possess a chance is all I want, I don't care that you have given up on our friendship, I still love you but seriously, I'm not a perfect person, I have flaws and nuances that even I don't like, I'm trying to work on them but if you can't accept the flaws in me then were we ever really friends in the first place?

I don't care that my life is reaching overload proportions. I don't care that I hate feeling helpless to stop the insanity that races through my mind. I don't care that I can't sleep. I don't care that I don't eat well. I don't care that I'm losing weight for absolutely no good reason. I don't care that I have cracks in my heart, holes in my head, and emotions that swing wilder than a manic depressive person (i.e. Britney).

I can't control life and I can't control the people in my life. Why is one day so good and one day so bad? Will I die before any of this ever gets easier? I want the life of one of those socialites who only have to worry about whether or not her roots are showing. I would so gladly give up my determination, aspirations, intelligence, and attitude to live that life.

Calm, Calm, Calm, when does it come?