Deriving happiness from others...

I've been noticing a lot lately that friends of mine are relying and basing a lot of their happiness on other people. Don't get me wrong I'm doing it right now at the moment as well. It's really kind of hard to deny. I feel a lot happier and I act a lot happier since a certain someone has come back into my life. Does that mean that I couldn't be happy without him? When does getting your happiness from others cross the line from healthy to unhealthy?

It's a really hard call. We are all dependent on some form of interaction whether that be with people, animals, or even plants. Even hermits that live in the middle of a forest in Montana interact with some kind of flora or fauna. So there must be some innate reason for our need of interaction. We crave for people to like us, accept us, and to form some kind of relationship with us. This sometimes overrides our own desires and we end up taking on the qualities our partner deems important instead of those that we have already formed. If you haven't already formed your identity or your own qualities then that person doesn't really even know you or just wants you to become the clone of the person or at least being built as the model that a certain person wants. Then, you are no better than a robot or computer, the person has created you to do and act how he/she wants you to act.

We are sometimes so desperate for love that we overlook what is good about ourselves, what makes us unique, or what our values are. We sacrifice everything to feel the thrill and the rush that comes with the "honeymoon period" of love. When those feelings subside we are left with a shell, a person who we once were, and an unrecognizable form of the things that made us once so us. 

This is not everyone though. Sometimes our timing with who we are with ourselves aligns just correctly with the prospect of love. Both people come into it knowing exactly who they are, what their expectations are, and how the two can work together instead of one overpowering the other. This is when love is at it's strongest. When you know exactly who you are, when you are happy and comfortable with yourself first, the strongest relationships form when you bring that to the table and find someone who doesn't want to change or let you change it.

I know it sounds corny but finding happiness in yourself first, learning who you are first, figuring out what your expectations are, figuring out what you will not compromise, all lead to a better chance of a lasting relationship than one that you just throw yourself into because you're too afraid that no one else will come along. If someone asks you the question, "who are you" and you can't answer that without somehow adding your significant other into your explanation then just maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship. 

And now I am done with my Sex in the City post.