I'll share a little secret with you...

I have absolutely no patience when it comes to stupid people. I'm sorry to those of you who know me because to you this is no secret. I am literally exasperated when I meet people who have no concept of the things going on around them or who cannot complete simple tasks. These are the people who use their naivety and looks to get by. I do not buy it nor do I stand idly by and take it. Seriously, if you have worked at a job for 8 months and you still don't know how to put things in numerical order, the difference between reading the word Japan and England or even United States of America, and have no idea that when it says debit note that there is a bill attached then you need to go back to kindergarten dear because somewhere along the way you failed to retain basic information about numbers and letters. I'm willing to bet large sums of money that my almost three year old nephew could manage these tasks.

I will admit that this last month has been terrible for me and I do have a quick trigger but other people are noticing. These jobs are not hard. I am currently actively creating work for myself. Dear Lord grant me some patience! It is hard to look at her and not have the fleeting thought of, why don't you just get the word idiot tattooed on your forehead so people can see you coming? I realize I have a lightening quick thought process when it comes to this job, and I can pick up things very quickly but seriously eight months and you still do not do anything correctly, it's time to go!

On a side note and completely unrelated topic...

I've had the intention of sitting down for the past three weeks and writing a blog on everything I would say to Brian if I ever got the chance to talk to him. I also have had the intention of writing a second blog on closure in regards to him. Every time I've either forgotten, it's accidentally been deleted, or I've gotten caught up in another activity and forgotten what I wanted to say. It's a little disconcerting. I think it's either a part of me not wanting to admit that I'm giving up or it's divine intervention. Sooner or later I'm going to have to deal with the fact that he and I are not seeing eye to eye on this situation. Here below is a brief synopsis of what I would say if I ever got the chance to say it. So then it's out there, it's off my chest, and I may be able to be productive.

I'm starting with a disclaimer: this is purely my perception of a woman I have only met once in my life. I, in no way, pretend to know her personally, pretend to know what her motivations are, or pretend that this is not a biased opinion because it is. That being said, why in the hell do you allow a woman who has fucked you over twice back into your life kids or no kids? You forgave her once and she was fine for like 6 months and then she went ahead and fucked another guy behind your back for 6 weeks. She told you she couldn't take having a life with you and for all intensive purposes put her lifestyle in front of her own kids. How you think she changed all that in two months or that you could forgive her for it blows my damn mind. The fact that this is the person you decided to choose over me makes me feel like shit. For ten years I've stood by your side, I've been there for you when you needed me, I've supported you in every way I know how to support someone, I've been your girlfriend, your friend, your lover, and your confidant. I listened when you told me how she wronged you, took your side without hesitation, and I gave you my heart, again. I understand that your kids are the most important thing in your life and I also understand that she will always be in your life because of it. I told you I was in love with you and you hesitated. I told you that I wanted to be closer to you and you hesitated. I told you I wanted to be in a relationship with you and you hesitated. I still waited and I still held out hope that you would see what I could give you.

You are one of the most loyal and giving parents I know. You constantly and consistently put your children's needs before your own and are fighting like hell to teach them to become the best people they can be. Your love for them shines through even in your moments of frustration. You interact with them and show them every moment you can that you love them. I'm not going to pretend to know anything about parenting because I don't nor could I at this stage in my life. The only thing I can draw upon are my own childhood experiences with two parents who stayed together for the sake of their children. It doesn't work. Children know when their parents don't love each other, don't have a mutual respect for each other, and don't trust each other. They can sense it in every interaction and they don't know it's for their sake that you are together until they're older and it's usually too late. Their knowledge of how to interact and be in relationships comes from you and it doesn't come from the words coming out of your mouth it comes from what you show them. I never knew what love between two people was until you taught it to me. I was lucky that it was from you and not someone who would take advantage of me. I would hope that you would want to teach this to your kids and not the first person that they happen to fall in love with. Don't you want to show them what a relationship is like with two people who respect each other, trust each other, admire each other, are passionate with and about each other, and exudes strength? Can you honestly say that you and Jenn are in that kind of relationship? If you can then fantastic. I'm bowing out then because I cannot be there for you when she fucks you over again, because she will fuck you over again, leopards rarely change their spots. I cannot watch a woman I have such disdain for be with you. If you can't say that about your relationship then please seriously consider all that I've done for you. I know that you are apprehensive but I love you and I want to be with you because you make me happy and I have strength and abilities that you've never known. All I'm asking for is a chance.

Ok so, this got really, really long. Sorry, but I had to get all of that out, I had to release it to the universe because it was too much to keep inside. Maybe one day I'll get to tell him all of this and maybe one day our receptionist will grow a brain. If I only get one wish or the other, make it the former instead of the latter.