The funny thing about living on my own for as long as I have is that I've become very accustomed to not depending on other people for anything. I've done so many things that I probably would refuse to do if there were someone else around, i.e. fix my toilet, kill bugs, take out the trash, develop body twisting abilities in order to put lotion on my back and zip up tops. I also wouldn't put my own necklaces on as much as I do now, I find something strangely loving or sexy about a man who will help you put on a necklace.
It's not that I don't long for someone to share a life with but the many disappointments I've had I just can't imagine this as a reality any more. It's either not my purpose in life to be mated with someone or now is not the time. I just can't take being run through the ringer any more. I'm tired and I'm sick of guys using me for their own purposes and then once those are over they toss me aside. I just can't imagine at the moment a guy being genuinely in love with me. Everything is an act and I keep falling for it and I can't do it any more.
My mother has been single for 14 years, I don't think she's dated anyone during that time. If she can do it, I know I can. I just need something to fill that void. For her she had her children maybe I'll take a cooking class or a yoga class. I know I should probably get a dog or something but I think I inherited my father's love of animals. Maybe if my sister would have had a puppy growing up she wouldn't have had children so young. That's a quandary for another day.
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