Blogging the 9/26/08 Presidential Debate

For those of you who don't know I hold a degree in political science from the University of Minnesota. So I'm going to put that to use and blog through the first presidential debate.

Disclaimer: I am a Democrat, I have been since I was 12, I will more than likely be biased.

I'm also watching CNN, and there's an audience reaction graph from Democrats (Dem), Independents (Ind), and Republicans (Rep).

I also came into the debate about 10 minutes late.

Current questioning is on the 700 billion dollar bail out:

They're basically agree with each other on the big points but have disagreements on the nuances. McCain is name dropping a lot though and bring up former presidents. He also railing against pork barrel spending. 

Obama is agreeing with McCain again and is calling it earmarks. Amazing how each uses a different word to soften or strengthen what is essentially excessive spending. Obama is railing against rich/richer poor/poorer. He got and audience bump for it. McCain is making the same point about suspension of excess spending for Obama that the Mainstream Media is making for Palan's Bridge to Nowhere (the fact that they both stopped after they we publicly pursuing office).  Obama is closing corporate loopholes, how does one do that when corporations basically run America? Dems like Obama's plan better than Ind. and Rep. 

McCain is defending business tax, bump from everyone. His alliteration is on tonight! Reps love it when McCain rails against pork barrel spending. Obama says tax cuts for all lower income families. Tax code loopholes makes tax rates lower for business than anywhere in world. MCain is taxing health benefits. "Walking the walk and talking the talk" McCain.  Look at the records, McCains says his record on over spending is better than Obama's. McCain is talking about changing the tax code, and railing against "Christmas tree ordainments" on the energy spending bill. McCain's got a creepy Bush like laugh!! Tax breaks for oil companies.

Ok, above is the recap of what I was watching and I'll type my opinions below each question type.  Though the $700 billion bail out may help temporarily, it's like putting a band aid on a gaping, gushing wound. All that it does to the economy is inflate the dollar, leaving the problem for another day. Both candidates seem to want to stop excessive spending on nonsense projects but they both differ on what those projects are. I don't think McCain's proposal of big business tax cuts are going to work because we've already seen where that leaves the little people. Obama did make a contradictory argument though by telling McCain that businesses already have plenty of loopholes that they don't need a tax cut and then touting a plan that calls for the closing of the loopholes that supposedly exempts them from a tax cut places a lot of burden on the modern business. Placing excessive burden on business has a trickle down effect which will eventually place the burden on the average American. Their solution has to come in the middle, spend to increase the economic stability of the middle class while relieving undue burden on the businesses and corporations. 

Financial Rescue Plan:

Obama is cutting his budget because of it. He wants to concentrate on independence from foreign oil, better energy resources, bring back jobs, and better health care. He wants more education on math and science, affordable college, better structure. Eliminate programs that don't work

McCain is cutting spending. McCain just called Obama a liberal and he cannot compromise. He doesn't want ethanol. Excessive military spending is out, fixed cost contracts are in. Defense spending is important. He's bring out the experience, I did this, I did that. Cut government agencies. 

Medicaid has a 15 bill give away. Obama not liberal, just opposes GW (huge Dem bump!).  McCain wants spending freeze except for defense, veterans affairs, and "important stuff"(that was the only explanation, what is important stuff?). Obama says spending freezes don't work and early childhood development is important too. McCain says we're sending money to terrorists. We need national oil instead of foreign. Also wants more nuclear power. Moderator says they're not answering his question.

It will effect the budgets.  Now we're talking health care. Oh, Independents want a gov. controlled health care, at least they didn't like when McCain railed against it. He's droning about spending again. Obama cannot get McCain's name right. McCain voted for GW's budgets (excessive spending). 

The Federal Rescue Plan will undoubtedly change either candidates budget and 100 day plan when they first get into office. The candidates with each have to evaluate what the greatest challenges are for our country and go in that direction. Obama seems to favor a more domestic approach to spending, strengthening the education and health care systems, finding more ways to encourage economic growth within America and creating jobs. McCain seems to be concentrating more on defensive programs and improving the veteran's way of life. I lean towards Obama's spending plans more than McCain's. When your home base is weakened it is very hard to have a strengthened defense system. We've concentrated far too long on what's going on out there and we need to start taking care of our own problems. Fix America and then fix the rest of the world. We're surrounded by water on 2 1/2 sides. We have a stronger military system than the two countries that actually boarder us. A full scale invasion is highly unlikely. Figure out where our defense is lacking and strengthen your own country before you start playing offense. 

Lessons of Iraq

McCain: Cannot have a failed strategy. War was mishandled. Need additional troops. He thinks it's a success and that we're winning, Dems and Ind. do not like that. McCain thinks Iraq will be an ally. 

Obama: We should not have gone in. We weren't finished in Afghan (huge Dem. Ind. bump) Al Qaeda back. Still huge spending on Iraq. Should use military force wisely. 

Violence is reduced, good job to all. Containment of mismanagement not winning war. McCain: Obama doesn't understand difference between tactics and strategy. We're make progress in Iraq.  "Peace and Prosperity" Obama: McCain opposed funding troops, end the war in Iraq and concentrate on Afghanistan, and get ride of Al Qaeda. McCain: wider war if we leave Iraq

Ok, I'm all about Obama on this point. We should not have gone in the first place. We've lost our concentration on Afghanistan and it's directly lead to our inability to keep America 100% safe. McCain keeps saying we're winning, we're winning. Iraq is not about winning any more. Iraq was never the war, the war was on terrorism, guess what, there is still rampant terrorism going on. We are fighting to win one battle but we fail to see that we are horribly losing the war. Our continued presence in Iraq is leading to one hell of a propaganda spin in the outlying middle eastern countries (i.e. look America is taking over everything please help us fight to protect ourselves or you'll be next). The real lesson from Iraq? While the magician is telling you to look at his right hand, you damn well better keep your eye on the left one too or you'll miss the wool being pulled over your eyes. 

More troops in Afghanistan

Obama: Yes, it's getting worse. More offense, Taliban is attacking. Iraq had nothing to do with 9-11. Strategic mistake. Press the Afghan gov. work for their people. Exploding Poppy trade. Have to deal with Pakistan. Americans not safe until we control Afghan. If Pakistan unwilling to help we should attack. Oh knocked McCain on the singing bomb Iran song. Lost legitimacy in Pakistan. Troops are doing well. 

McCain: Washed our hands of the region after Russian invasion. Name dropping again. Not cutting aid to Pakistan and will not threaten them. Get the support of Pakistan. Work with them not against them. Gain cooperation of tribes on Pakistan boarder. I can work with them. Failed Pakistan state when Musharraf was in power. Bring out his record. Supported going to war, or having conflicts with countries guilty of genocide. Bring out the human interest stories. Obama did not go to Afghanistan. Connection between Iraq and Afghanistan.

*No one likes it when they attack each other, the lines for all parties go down

Afghanistan is hard for me to blog on because I haven't been following the conflicts in that country. Just between the candidates responses though I'd have to say that Obama handled to question better. McCain continues to tout his experience but doesn't realize he's not telling how he's going to act just how he's acted before. I'm a strong believer that all situations are different than the ones before. Just because you have experience dealing with apples does not mean you know how oranges are going to act. I agree that we need to clean up the mess with the terrorist organizations having free reign to run and recruit in countries like Afghanistan and Pakistan but how that should exactly happen is beyond me. McCain does have a point about not provoking Pakistan though, they do have a nuclear arsenal, and India being so close that would be a bad spark to ignite. 

Threat from Iran 

McCain: If they have nuclear weapons it's a threat to Israel and the region. Cannot allow a second holocaust. Forming a league of democracies. Russians are not playing well in UN. Impose sanctions on Iranians. Lousy government and economy lousy. Lethal IEDs into Iraq, train terrorists in Iran. Serious threat. Talking legitimizes behavior. Name drop, and history examples (Reagan, Nixon). Has to be preconditions to talking. 

Obama: War in Iraq has strengthened Iran. Funding terrorists. Cannot tolerate nuclear Iran. Set off arms race in Middle East. Russia and China need to help in sanctions. Tough direct diplomacy. We need to talk. Meet with people to keep America safe. Example of North Korea, without talks they were testing nuclear weapons, when talking we made progress. 

*Oh, they really don't like it when the candidate attack each other

Iran, and Venezuela for that matter, are the big brothers who taunt the younger ones into fighting with them. The best way to deal with them is to go smarter or go home. If you try to fight them it will spiral out of control. Though both candidates pretty closely agree on this issue, again their nuances are a little different. Talk with someone does not necessarily legitimize their behavior. I also whole heartily disagree with McCain's statement about forming a union of democratic nations. The UN is there for a reason. If you start undermining its legitimacy you're liable to topple an effective organization. Diplomacy is part of being the President of the United States. You have to have effective communication or every skirmish you get into with lead to combat when combat is sometime ineffective. More come from talking than fighting. 

Relationship with Russian

Obama: Evaluate new approach. Threat to peace and stability. Attacks on Georgia unwarranted. Unified alliance. Affirm fledgling democracies in the area, should be part of NATO. Should not go back to Cold War standards. Loose nukes could fall in wrong hands. Work with Russia. Are they a threat to national security. Rebuild Georgian economy. Anticipate problems. Putin feeling powerful because of Petrol dollars. Increase domestic production, need to reduce dependency on foreign oil. 

McCain: Russia committed serious aggression against Georgia. KGB outlier. Bolster friends and allies. Energy attack. Eastern Europe afraid of Russian action. Russians in violation of cease fire. Friend and ally of Ukraine. Wants off shore drilling and more national oil drilling. 

Ah Russia, and it's gathering of friendly alliances. I honestly wasn't even aware at first that Russia was planning to go so rouge. It's like they did a test on Georgia just to see the reaction, a petulant child trying to push it's boundaries. Russia attacking America, is again highly unlikely but, their ability to start another World War is altogether possible. McCain seems to be leaning towards cutting Russia off, I understand his thinking but I don't believe it's altogether possible. I'm not sure either candidate really knows what to do about the situation, while I believe McCain is blowing things a bit out of proportion I don't think Obama has a good solution on how to handle it. Though he did give me some hope when he said we need to start anticipating problems. Friends close, enemies closer, it'll be interesting to see if anyone has the ability to anticipate what will happen with such a potentially volatile situation. 

Likelihood of another 9-11

McCain: Much less likely than it was. Safer nation but long way to go. He was a member of bipartisan commission on safety. No torture. Better security. Better job along boarders. Senator Obama is naive (over and over again). We do not need specific dates to withdrawal from Iraq. Involved in all major security issues in the last 20 years. Obama has no experience. (People do not like this, falling below 50% approval from Dems and Ind. at 50% for Rep.) I'll take care of veterans. Can make the right judgement. Heal the wounds of war. 

Obama: Safer in some ways. Airports. Securing targets. But still need to secure chemical sites. Biggest threat is terrorist getting hold of nukes. Need nuclear proliferation. Need to root out Al Qaeda active in many countries. More cooperation with allies. Need a better perception in the world for more respect. Bin Laden is still out there. Weakened our ability to project power. Spending too much. (Shaky transition between defense and economy). Veterans are not getting treatment. Broader strategic vision. Ideals and values use to inspire all the world. Invest in education and American dream. 

The question that is in the back of every voter's mind, "If 9-11 happened again what would ____ do?" I agree that there are some places in this country that have been made safer (I've worked at the airport for 6 1/2 years yes security is a pain in the ass!) others have not. Securing the boarder I'm all for but,  by a bunch of insensitive, over zealous, prejudice nut jobs? No thanks. Have we beefed up security on nuclear and chemical plants? I know I had a cousin stationed at one but, now that the reserves are leaving for Iraq who took their place? Strengthening our allies is good, legitimizing ourselves to the rest of the world would be a good start at breaking other countries' perceptions that we're just out to take over everything. When your army is away, who protects the country? This is my point. How do we feel safe when our army is maxed fighting a battle for a country that, even if the become our ally, is very inconsequential. 

All in all the debate was pretty decent. I did get to hear a lot more about each candidate's plans to fix the economy and what they would do for defense but I also heard a lot of sniping too. McCain's constant reminder that Obama has no experience was getting down right annoying. Obama's constant interruptions of McCain to set the record straight was getting on my nerves as well. Truth of the matter is neither have been President before so, years in the Senate or not, neither one can predict what will happen. There are pros and cons to both carving your own path vs. following the one you've always known. 

Realizations

A couple of things have been pushing at the edge of my consciousness lately. 

1) When did I become so damn jaded? 

Seriously, when? I feel like I am constantly in Eeyore mode and I've been that way for a very, very long time. It's like my black cloud will not leave me, tut, tut, it's constantly raining. I'm so pessimistic about everything. I lost my optimism somewhere, perhaps I left it in the bottom of my half empty glass. I delude myself into thinking sometimes that everything is bright and shinny but there always seems to be black clouds on the horizon, waiting to cover everything. I just secretly envy people who can see the good, the positive in everything. They're so delightfully annoying with their everything will be ok pep talks and their the grass is always greener slogans. These are the people that I've always wanted to bind and gag and then ask if they really want to see all the fish in the sea. I just can't help thinking that I'll never get to think that way, I have a hard time remembering if I ever did. 

2) When did I become so excepting of ignoring my own mortality?

It's not like I'm bungee jumping off of every high surface that I see, but I definitely walk into situations that people don't normally walk into. For example, I was walking through downtown Minneapolis and a group of my friends had parked in a different place than I had. In front of us was an all out brawl in the street moving in the direction of where I parked my car. I told my friends good night and walked towards my car by myself. To me this was nothing, but the looks of horror and concern on their faces should have told me it was a bad idea. I started to walk to my car but my guy friends insisted on walking me there. Or another example could be my Vegas disappearing act. I dream about bad stuff, dangerous things, happening to me and rather than scare me, it excites me, longing for the challenge of staying alive or not. I don't get it things that I should be concerned with I'm just not. Maybe I've been incredibly lucky to always have someone there to pull me back from the edge but the things that bug normal people do not bug me.

3) When did I slip into indifference?

My enthusiasm for life seems to fade in and out like sunlight through clouds. One minute I'm all about moving forward and get this show on the road and the next minute I'm lying on my couch staring into space watching everything slow to a grinding halt. I escape any way I can that's legal because I cannot bare to put my family through the strain of having a drug addled, co-dependent, worthless person to take care of. There are times when I've stopped being a player in my own life. I just sit on the sidelines and watch as everything passes by. "Does anybody know what we are living for?" I've never questioned the fact that I believe I have an incredible amount of strength. There are days though that it takes all of it to get myself out of bed and ready for the day. There are also some days that even with using all the force of that strength that I cannot make myself even lift my head. One step seems like a million and two seems like the most impossible task. 

I'm blessed with incredible self-awareness but that can only take a girl so far. The way I see myself is very different from the way that most people perceive me. Things about me surprise people all the time. I create this illusion of being an open book without actually having to be. It's become an unconscious reaction to people and situations. I know who I am but you will never know me because I can't afford for people to really know me. Their disappointment would crush me. 

Forward... March...

So it's been awhile. I'm sorry. Shit's been interesting for me lately. My internal monologue is going nuts and, though I know I'm not crazy, my internal dialogue has been in flux.

I'll start from today and go backwards since my last post on August 8th.

I've basically for the past two weeks done nothing but devour Stephanie Meyer's book series "Twilight." There are four 550 - 750 page books and online there is a partial draft of Midnight Sun (an unreleased part of the series). I've done nothing during this time but eat, sleep, work, and read (with the exception of one outing to the State Fair). I know it's bizarre but I'm in love with this world she's created. I'm utterly heartbroken that I've finished reading them. I can honestly say I've never been pulled into fiction quite like this before. I feel like I've been on drugs for 2 weeks and now I'm suffering from withdrawals. I know this seems crazy to some people but I lost myself in that world. I'll never be able to describe perfectly how it feels but I fell in love with the characters, lost myself in the writing, and now that I'm done I feel like I've lost a best friend or a lover. You can call me crazy but these books have an impact on my life.

I had Monday, September 1st off for Labor Day. I had great plans to clean my apartment and start writing my personal statements but instead I did nothing. I did manage to pick the law schools I'm applying to:
1) Brooklyn Law School
2) University of Minnesota (this one would have never occurred to me but they e-mailed me so I figured I would give it a shot)
3) University of Denver
4) University of D.C.
5) John Marshall Law School
6) New England Law School
7) New York Law School

Of this list 1-3 are highly unlikely but I'm going to give it a shot and 4-7 hold greater possibilities for acceptance. There are only a couple of these school that have their applications up so, I'm going to have to wait awhile until I can start applying. I have a lot to do until then though, figure out why I want to go to law school, write my personal statements, get my letters of recommendation, and figure out how to pay my application fees. This should keep me busy.

On August 31st I was asked to be Godmum for my niece who's baptism will be October 5th. I will be godmother to all my sister's children then. This is not really all that surprising since I told her that if anything happened to her and her husband that I would raise her children. I know it's something that's easy to say when they're both healthy as horses but I truly mean it. I know I can handle the challenge because I love those kids more than life and I would die to protect them.

On August 27th I went to the State Fair with a group of friends which was a lot of fun. There were little dramas that popped up here and there but I mostly tried to stay out of it and just enjoy human interaction with people I enjoy being around. This is one of the first years though I actually was able to hit some of the political booths thanks to my friend Bart being there. Though Bart is a raging conservative we still had a fun bet involving the exchanging of political buttons. Though I did find a little bit of glee in telling Norm Colman I did not want my picture taken with him.

On August 26th we finally fired the very incompetent and stupid girl I've blogged so much about. The kicker is that she wasn't fired for being bad at her job she was fired for stealing from the company. Who in all honesty uses their firm credit car for personal use and then tries to cover it up by stealing the bill? Stupid, stupid, stupid. It's better now though. Even though I have to mail my own letters (tragic isn't it?) it's so much better to work with mostly more competent people. At least that's one less person I have to pretend to like. If you think I'm being mean then you work with her for 9 months. Please try not to pull all your hair out though, I don't think you'll look good bald.

The 17th of August was my 26th birthday. I was up at Lisa's cabin with a close group of friends. It was different than other birthday I've had, I'm not really a foresty-nature kind of girl but I'm realizing that it doesn't really matter where you spend your birthday it's all about who you're with. Not that I didn't have fun because it was a ton of fun and very relaxing not having to worry about anything. I was a little disappoint that a few good friends of mine forgot about my birthday. I guess I need to realize that people do not put the importance on birthdays the way I do. I did have a great time though and that's all that matters.

August 8th - August 24th I had a bad case of Olympic fever. I've never been so into the Olympics before but I really enjoyed watching them this year. I very much enjoyed watching Michael Phelps' races, the men's and women's gymnasts, the men's volleyball team, the beach volleyball teams, and even a little bit of track and field events. America competed well this year and our country was well represented.

Though all those activities have been great at keeping me distracted my emotions have been all over the map lately. Though I did try and cut ties with Brian it's been quite a struggle. It's hard to let go of a person I've known as long as I've known Brian. I know he's with Jen now (I think she's pregnant again, just guessing though) I can't seem to let go of the fact that I want to be there for him still. This would still be very painful for me though. It's hard to explain it well but I thought he was suppose to be the only one in the world who was suppose to pick me to be with. When that didn't come to fruition it made me feel hopeless, like the family thing will not be a possibility for me. It's a bit silly to think that way especially when I have so many years ahead of me but it's something that feels very real to me. It's also something I need to get over.

I still cannot seem to find peace with my job. It really is a struggle to get out of bed and come here every day. I know I only have a year left but that seems like an enormous hurdle to get over. I just zoned out May - July and the mistake I made during those months are not only pissing me off but they're pissing everyone off. But when people start micro-managing me it pisses me off more. Then it's hard to want to work and then I make mistakes and the whole vicious cycle starts over again. I know I'm the only one who can break it but a part of me just doesn't give a fuck.

As I said above I've finally decided to start making progress on the law school front. I've started early enough that I can take baby steps with it as long as I stay consistent and focused, but that's the hard part.

All in all, there are some days that are very easy for me. I can pep talk myself into being logical and sane. These days ease some of the pain. Other days are harder. These are the days when my irrational thoughts turn me paranoid and lazy. It's harder to think logically and I end up staring into space for hours or curled up in a ball crying my eyes out. These days I hope will get rarer and rarer until they disappear altogether but life can still knock me on my ass time and time again. I consider myself a pretty strong person. There are people who get knocked down as much as I have and never come up, committing themselves to self destruction. Admittedly, I've stared into the face of self destruction myself but it's all in the choices you make to stand back up and fight. I may falter but as long as I never lose I will still be me. I do like who I am, more days than not, so fighting to be me is the greatest fight I'll ever try to win.