The Big Bad Bitch has a Heart

I've said this before many times, but I'm surrounded by people and I still feel so totally alone. I don't know why that is. I'm an extroverted person, I know how to have a good time in a crowd, I know how to entertain the masses and yet I am still surrounded by this aloneness. It is sort of lonely making your own path in the world, but I have people to share that with. There are people in the exact same circumstances as me and I am sure they are going through the exact same things. This does not give me comfort. I'm going to be an attorney. As much as people like to make fun of this, it still does come with some modicum of respect.

I've always felt like I've had such a higher purpose in life. I know that sounds condescending, but I just do. I feel like the small town girl that longs for the big city. I'm getting impatient though, how long is this going to take? How long until I'm a household name and people can Wikipedia me? I've been running up pedestals so fast my whole life that I don't know what I'm going to do if I fall down them. In hindsight I see the path, but when I look ahead it's all black and woozy.

So I'm on the path, and I'm trying to run it, but I don't know what the expectation is anymore. My favorite words are me and I, but this existence is lonely. If I can't have everything, what is worth losing? Is the me that I thought I was really the me that I am? Why am I not allowed to have it all?